오래만이다 it’s been awhile

wow, i haven’t posted since just before i started work.

what a journey the past 8 months have been.. a messy mix of tireless typing, fighting of battles, dried-up tears, numerous doctor visits, crazy contemplations, terrifying aches… no one day is the same. transitions have always been the most difficult phases of human lives, because change is so painful, and requires such adjustment expectations for the volatile beings that we are and the crazy state of affairs that we are in. finding the strength, courage, and even time to centre myself around all these has been terrible and terrifying – how many times have i fallen, or feel like i would fall, and needed so much more to be able to stay grounded and calm amidst crisis.

all i can say is… you’ve worked hard dearest yixi. 정말 수고했어요.

it was timely that i received the letter i wrote to my future self from the social work induction camp i attended in my early working days.. i scrawled the lyrics to Lee Hi’s Breathe.

i’m truly glad i did.


숨을 크게 쉬어봐요
당신의 가슴 양쪽이 저리게
조금은 아파올 때까지
숨을 더 뱉어봐요
당신의 안에 남은 게 없다고
느껴질 때까지
숨이 벅차올라도 괜찮아요
아무도 그댈 탓하진 않아
가끔은 실수해도 돼
누구든 그랬으니까
괜찮다는 말
말뿐인 위로지만

누군가의 한숨 그 무거운 숨을
내가 어떻게 헤아릴 수가 있을까요
당신의 한숨 그 깊일 이해할 순 없겠지만
괜찮아요 내가 안아줄게요

숨이 벅차올라도 괜찮아요
아무도 그댈 탓하진 않아
가끔은 실수해도 돼
누구든 그랬으니까
괜찮다는 말
말뿐인 위로지만

누군가의 한숨 그 무거운 숨을
내가 어떻게 헤아릴 수가 있을까요
당신의 한숨 그 깊일 이해할 순 없겠지만
괜찮아요 내가 안아줄게요

남들 눈엔 힘 빠지는
한숨으로 보일진 몰라도
나는 알고 있죠
작은 한숨 내뱉기도 어려운
하루를 보냈단 걸
이제 다른 생각은 마요
깊이 숨을 쉬어봐요
그대로 내뱉어요

누군가의 한숨 그 무거운 숨을
내가 어떻게 헤아릴 수가 있을까요
당신의 한숨 그 깊일 이해할 순 없겠지만
괜찮아요 내가 안아줄게요
정말 수고했어요

Take a deep breath
Until both sides of your heart get numb
Until it hurts a little
Let out your breath even more
Until you feel
like there’s nothing left inside
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words

Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you

It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words

Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you

Even if others think your sigh
Takes out energy and strength
I already know
That you had a day that’s hard enough
To let out even a small sigh
Now don’t think of anything else
Let out a deep sigh
Just let it out like that

Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you
You really did a good job


let this 8-month mark be a pledge to myself? to refresh myself and start anew a better mindset at work.. less emotional fatigue, more client-centric.. 할 수 있다.

아무 일 없을 거라고 Nothing’s gonna happen
내일은 더 나을 거라고 Tomorrow will be better

 

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