&we will rejoice

  

像野草一樣活著 生生不息

In our pursuit for passion, there will be suffering. A hell lot of it. It might kill our fire, and we will struggle so powerfully there will be blood and sweat and tears. And these are the times that present to us hard choices. Hard choices that will define the kind of person that we are and the kind of person we want to be. And it is during these difficult times that we can grow in our capacity for love and compassion. 

And He will always be with us through it all. A grace-filled, if not always graceful self-transforming cycle that is driven by a pursuit of love through suffering.

We should not consider our poverty and limitations as failures, nor simply resign ourselves to them, but rather we should see them as an authentic school of transformation and contemplation.

And we will always have a choice. To be the better person, in spite of hard choices.

Nearly halfway through

It’s March Holidays.. and I work in a school. Of course it’s my week off. Been nua-ing at home (like sleep at 3/4/5am wake up at 11/12/1/2/3pm kind), watching Sungkyunkwan Scandal (after skipping Poseidon and Secret Garden and cursing to MBC on why they delay my Moon/Sun finale episodes).. it’s been a nice time off, since I didn’t have to wake up early, travel so much and come back home feeling tired and all. Thankful for the week off.

And on another note, my boss happily allowed me to go Japan with D. Hahaha.

On another note, procrastination is a devil. Just finished booking accommodation with D in Japan today at long last, amounts up to about S$450 so I guess that’s fine.. hope we won’t be so unfortunate as to book a 黑店 lol. Expenditure is crazy, currently at S$1.1k, excluding transportation, food and shopping. End of the day probably gonna amount to $3k+. Kinda expected it for Japan, but aigoo..

Anyway the point is, we’re nearly halfway through. It’s been about 3.5 months since my last A Level paper on 1 December 2011. Cheehoe recently reminded me on his birthday to spend the remaining 4.5 months doing what I wanted to do that I could never have done before in a busy school term. I shall just list the few that I actually remember lol (since I upgraded to an iPhone 4S and didn’t manage to back up some old notes):

  1. Learn a new language: Korean, French, Japanese, Spanish
  2. Learn driving
  3. Vacation in Seoul
  4. Backpacking in Aussie
  5. Buy a DSLR
  6. Explore Singapore
  7. Catch up on dramas
  8. Find what I wanted to do in life
  9. Pack room
  10. Read unread books
  11. Find Christ again

Well..

1. Learn a new language: Korean, French, Japanese, Spanish

I am learning Korean, at a proper class with a proper teacher. Well.. not a very good language class since the teacher really isn’t an effective bilingual (in Korean and English, not that her Chinese is very good either).. at least my couple of months of self-exploration on the Korean language has prepped me well for learning this! But it gets kinda boring..

Going to Japan means having to pick up essential words too.. I feel so foreign from Japanese that I think I will simply speak Korean in the face of native Japanese. LOL.

2. Learn driving

I passed BTT.. well. Still very much repel driving. Maybe I’ll start soon.. after I come back from Japan? Sounds good.

3. Vacation in Seoul

Got completely hooked on K-Pop since August 2011, and I really enjoy Seoul culture and all.. so I really wanted to go. Planning to save this vacation up and go on a longer student exchange instead. Hahaha.

4. Backpacking in Aussie

When I’m older, when I feel like I don’t owe the world anything any more, I will.

5. Buy a DSLR

Fingers crossed, hopefully I’ll get one tomorrow. LOL.

#update: I JUST GOT IT LOL.

6. Explore Singapore

By this I meant go to the Zoo, go to free museums, walk around town etc and actually know and command Singapore’s culture to heart

7. Catch up on dramas

I most certainly did.. though I’m lagging behind in many shows (other than Grey’s)

8. Find what I wanted to do in life

This is a certain.. but not really certain. I finally switched away from Sociology to Psychology, and I’m pretty certain I wanna head in this direction, and I’m praying that this is the right one for me.

9.  Pack room

Packed, need to pack again.

10. Read unread books

Gotta start! Bought like 7 new books but haven’t read a single one. Need to start shelf my Korean book (by Ban Ki Moon, can’t read it yet for nuts..) and dig out my 10+ unread Picoult books. And my awesome possum psychology books 😀

11. Find Christ again

I think more importantly than this, it’s to find the relationship and make it everlasting.. tough journey so far.

Gotta meet up with friends.. Jia Hui, Glada.. you know. To chill, not to talk about work and stuff. Been drowning in work and worrying about money issues for the past 1.5 months. Crazy.

On a side note, been tasked to write up on why I went back to DHS after taking Os.. lol. Looking back on the then entirely irrational side of Yi Xi.. crazy. Crazy times.

The Big U

No, not the U as in “Unsatisfactory” in grades, but U as in “University”, at long last.

Hahaha the Big As finally dropped the bomb on everyone on Friday. Crazy crazy.

Of course I would cry for Chemistry.. when you put your heart, your soul and your kaching into a field of study you are so amazed from deep within by it nearly killed me when I saw B.

Of course I would cry when I knew I couldn’t go overseas.. when you’re blessed with parents who unfortunately (or fortunately) aren’t the GIC President or a super Litigator and can’t afford to let you go overseas even if you are capable of it it would have killed me when I saw that my grades went way above expectations.

Of course I would cry when I finally prayed and understood that God gave me my parents, that by God’s Grace I will not complain, that by God’s Grace I am already so so fortunate to be in Singapore, that by God’s Grace I am so so thankful for taking me through the Big As even if I felt as if I might as not have studied hard at all.

That by God’s Grace I am more than just unworthy of Your love, but You love me nonetheless.

감사합니다, 주님.

주님 내가 여기있사오니

주님 내가 여기 있사오니 나를 보내소서
나의 맘 나의 몸 주께 드리오니 주 받으옵소서
주님 내가 여기 있사오니 나를 써주소서 
가진 것 모두 다 주께 드리오니 주 받으옵소서
알렐루야 알렐루야 알렐루야 알렐루야
알렐루야 알렐루야 알렐루야 알렐루야

: )