i’m not sure

I’m actually pretty afraid of what will come this semester. I’ve never taken beyond the typical workload in my whole university career and have in fact been underloading for three semesters. Now I have to overload in my Honours year AND do Honours thesis with my placement agency AND plan&execute a neighbourhood health screening project with the Medicine students. And I have to start preparing for job interviews.

I’m not sure why I signed myself up for such a difficult life…….

#ifiperishiperish #insidejoke

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Fear

“We’re not really afraid to die. We’re only afraid of being forgotten. We know that we’ll be forgotten, and the idea is unbearable, don’t you agree? As time passes we become infrequent visitors in the minds of those left behind. The ones who clear out the house & divide up the belongings. Throw away the rubbish. And forget. If we knew that every evening someone lit a candle and sat down to think – thought about is if only for a few seconds – then we could depart this earth in peace. No-one will light a candle for me. Who would do that?”

난 지금 가장 두려운 일? 한 사람은 죽을 만큼 사랑할 수 있는 기회가 없다.

For The Moments

It’s not the bombastic displays of gratitude or acts of service, but the little moments and the little things that clients do that really make the hard work all worth it. There would probably be more difficult days than good days, especially in this line of work, but we can choose to focus more on the positive and the joy and the small successes and tiny wins. We don’t have to feel jaded because of the negative things and invite ourselves to burn out. And even when that happens, you can always look to people who understand the work that you do and the heart you put in.

If (I Were) You

My most recent favourites from 2NE1 & BB :> I swear they are damn awesome songs (I bawl each time I listen to them)

네가 나로 살아 봤으면 해
내가 너로 살아 봤으면 해
단 하루라도 느껴 봤으면 해
너의 마음
나의 마음

(translation)

I wish you could be me
I wish I could be you
I wish you could feel it for just a day
Your heart
My heart

IF YOU IF YOU
너도 나와 같이 힘들다면
우리 조금 쉽게 갈 수는 없을까

(translation)

IF YOU IF YOU
If you’re struggling like I am
Can’t we make things a little easier?

Expectations

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“Sometimes, your insecurities and your inexperience may lead you, too, to embrace other people’s expectations, standards or values. But you can harness that inexperience to carve out your own path, one that is free of the burden of knowing how things are supposed to be, a path that is defined by its own particular set of reasons.”

tell me why

It was dark, except for a few lights. The  museum had closed most of its exhibitions. The seat at the info counter was empty. I sat on a bench where it was dimly lit. I flipped through the free postcard stand. I got bored. My phone was untouched. My drink was left on the floor. I stared into empty space. My mind was empty.

I started to cry.

I didn’t know why.

I still don’t know why.

Choice 选择

最近总在反省人生的时候,总会想到过去大概对自己人生必须负起责任的七八年做过的一切抉择与给予其他人的承诺。因为年轻,做出的选择并非是最理智,最正确的。因为年轻,做出的选择是冲动,是无法理解的。也因为年轻,做出的选择也许是最可怕的,但也同时是最重要的。

我们都有自己需要走的路。

一路上必须做出的选择,有时候会伤害到自己心疼的人,很多时候做出了选择之后,总是回头看自己做的选择,并且怀疑自己选择走的路,是否是最正确的。但是正确的路应该不存在吧。我你他与她,都生长在不同的家庭环境,上的学校不一样,遇见的朋友老师工作伙伴都不一样,做事情的方式不一样,经历过的事情也只属于你一个,看事情的角度当然就不一样。

当时的你,是受伤的。当时的你,想着其他人向你表示他们想离开你珍贵的家庭的时候,你是心碎的。你学会建起高高无人能攀的心墙来保护自己,让自己不再破裂。但到你得做出与他们相同的选择的时候,你才真的了解了。你曾以为你能够代替所有人的份帮他们坚强,谁又会代替你而坚强?你穿上的武装,你戴上的面具,只有爱你超过爱自己的人会愿意付出所有让你卸下那武装,让你摘下那面具,允许你的任性,允许你的软弱。无论别人怎么说,还是我们自己必须做选择,选择之后,路还是得自己走。庆幸的是,路上能够拥有知己,让我们能够坦诚的面对自己与自己做的选择。后悔做过的选择,只会让我们活在那份痛苦中,不如勇敢的抉择,勇敢的继续走自己想要走的路吧!