we all learn about love and how to love in our own unique ways, and more than often they are arduous, lengthy journeys we embark on unintentionally. sometimes we struggle to get through the bumpy roads, and we don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel; sometimes it seems so easy that we’re so afraid it’s fleeting, failing to see that it’s because we’ve struggled so much before that it has somehow become so seemingly effortless.
as usual there is nothing i have for you here, in this strange space i post very-oh-so-not-often. just bits and bops of disconnected thoughts that i will never be able to put together. but i hold an important lesson dear to my heart that i saw once and was afraid i’d lose it again so i might as well immortalise it here.
Love – it all counts
Okay, I’m going to let you in on a little secret here. You don’t need to be in a relationship. I know you know it deep down. You’re just giving into pressures of society that make you think that you’re not really pretty unless you’re ‘wanted’, or you’re not really mature unless you’re having sex, or that you can’t be loved unless someone is dating you and trying to have sex with you. They feed you these notions and force them down your throat until you choke.
The truth is, a relationship won’t always make you happy. But you already know this. You’ve seen it a thousand times. The fact that someone ‘wants’ you, doesn’t mean they’re deserving of you. They expect you to serve yourself on a plate without having to make any effort nor work for your love, because in this warped world, you’re supposed to feel lucky about it. But trust me, the one who deserves you, will work for your love without complaining. It will come naturally to both of you.
Romance is wonderful, when it’s genuine, when it’s pure, when it is not in lieu of anything else. When it’s just because someone loves you, simply for being you. Regardless of whether you’ll end up together, when they think you’re that amazing that they don’t care if nothing comes of their efforts, it’s okay. They’re truly fascinated for however long you’re in each other’s lives. but it’s not the only type of love that exists.
There are friendships, with a love deeper and purer than most couples who swear they’re going to stay together forever. Yet the love in a friendship so often goes overlooked as nothing, and taken for granted.
How many times have single friends said that no one loves them? How many times were you that single friend? And if you ask hem about their friends, parents, family etc – they’ll say yes, they love them, but they don’t count. How hurtful is that? Of course it counts. Love doesn’t become any less valid just because a person isn’t having sex with you, and that is the problem with this generation. They think love doesn’t count unless it comes from someone who, given the chance (if they havent already been) would be interested in sexual relations with you.
So love doesn’t count, if there’s no potential for sex? However, wouldn’t that make the love more real? When they don’t want anything out of you. They just purely love you and all that you are.
It’s awesome to be in love, don’t get me wrong. It’s a magical feeling, but it doesn’t take sex for you to feel it. It’s just as magical stopping for ice cream in your sweatpants with your closest friends. Exploring the world with a bunch of mates who are just as excited as you to learn something new. Believe me, there’s a lot of love there.
Where we’ve gone wrong is making everything about finding ‘the one’ – but maybe you are ‘the one’. Just loving yourself, having fun and being happy. Perhaps instead of looking for our other halves, we should be looking for ourselves. Perhaps we weren’t born incomplete, we don’t need someone else to complete us, and we need to acknowledge the love all around us, learning that regardless of who loves us, we are all loved deeply. No matter where love comes from, it all counts.